Monologue (Alejandro Rivera)

The extreme heat in this container, the lack of water and food started to make struggle on me. I am not this body. My times as obrero worker are left behind. I am going to miss all my coworkers at the factory and the day that those thugs treat me because I was part of the union. Everything went down since the factory close. I did everything to bring food to the table. I have a big family. I could not sleep for day trying to find out how to get out of this misery. One day I told Maria, my wife that I was going North, to find work. It was that or to become a murder for the drug cartels. There is not future here Maria! I had to borrow money from my family and friends to the journey. I made a decision. I wasn’t going see my children’s die of hungry in front of me. The day that I left. It was a beautiful morning of early spring. It was so painful to left them. That day has been embedded in my heart forever as a tattoo. The sing of the cock and the smell of my woman’s hair in the bed. The day that I saw her for the first time. I ‘ve never tought that I was going to leave her. I never thought that we were going to suffer so much.

You remind me to my wife. You don’t talk so much. Do you have a story a family? I will take care of you. Don’t worry everything will be ok.

I don’t think that Maria slept that night, she was silent. She put some tamales and can’s of food in my bag. I kissed my children’s before they wake up. “Take care of your brother and sister” I told my older son Jose. He is a dedicated student, a little shy but with a lot of talents. Rolando the second one, he was always afraid of everything, really sensitive person. The nights with rain , he ran to our bed to hide under the covers. He was afraid of lighting. I hiss him and touch his softly hair. My grandmother used to call him little chicken, because one day Maria dressed in yellow. Since then he is Pollito. Right next to him was it was Sandy my princess. I broke up in tears to say good bye to her. She was going to suffer the most my absence. We were really attach each other. I cleaned my tears and kiss her making sure not to wake her up. I had to go. A nut in my throat avoid me to speak. I kissed and hug my wife and look inside of her deep browns eyes. She is a strong women. The decision has been taking, I was going to the US, to make dollars and send those to my family. A lot of young people in the town and some fathers like me did the same. We did not hear what happened to some of them and some others came in a really bad condition months later. But the stories of the immigrants coming from the south and crossing Mexico were worst. Mexico is a hell to cross for them. The beast, the train that transport them, cut their limps if they fall sleep or the gangs and cops steal their money or their souls to convert them in animals.

For me was easier I thought to my self. I just have to reach the border and the coyote was going to help me to cross the dessert in this container.  I was going to be transported as a human’s “sardina”. Inside of a double tank container, ten people were there. We paid until 5,000 dollars to be pack as sardinas and hopefully if we survive the extreme heat of the trip another person will pick up us in the middle of nowhere and from there walk until we reach the city. From there it will be to live under the shadows of the asphalt and trying to connect jobs. The easiest way was to reach the town where people from my town lives. So at least I will recognize faces.

The heat inside of this container started to make me to hallucinate. I was hungry but it will pass that sensation soon. I started to see the life that I was going to have, the different jobs, the money that I was going to make to send to my family. People were talking about tabaco piscas in North Carolina. They always are looking for good workers. I was a good gardener. My father tough me a lot of skills. He used to say, you are not going to suffer hungry. I have a lot of skills with my hands and tools. I know about carpentry, how to work the land, cooking, teaching, also working the metal. I will be ok I said to my self. I have a lot of confidence that I was going to make it big. And if everything goes well. I will bring all my family to America. We are going to start a new life, my sons will be educated. I have so much hope.